My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
