Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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