Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
