I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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