put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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