Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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