she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
