if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
