got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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