Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
