Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize