If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
