she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I understand Curling. That high.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
