i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this just has baby written all over it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
