the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
do nipples grow back?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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