Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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