She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
