i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
