this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
