Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize