i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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