my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Randomize
