I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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