How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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