Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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