Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
