See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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