She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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