no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
