Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
