I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize