i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
