me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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