I will die if light touches me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
