That's intense
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
