I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
