I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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