If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
