the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
