My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
