Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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