We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
