that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
