Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
