when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
