She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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