And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
