So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
