If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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