i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
