just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
