Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When are your genitals available?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
