i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
