I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
