I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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