It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
