hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just google imaged poop.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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