Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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