I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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