Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
