You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i out mim tonsoeep
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
