So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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