my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize