In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
