dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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