just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
