Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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