if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
