I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
