youre lurking in front of me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
