I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
