Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am spending my child support on dildos
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
